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[26]

A CEITHIR

B’ àbhaist dhan bhunait aig Iomhaigh Productions a bhith na thaigh le dà sheòmar-cadail ann gu h-ìseal ann an clobhsa ann am Partaig. Air an làimh dheas air taobh a-staigh an dorais bha taigh-beag is cidsin ann. Bha an dà oifis air an làimh cheàrr. Na shuidhe air cùl deasg anns an tè bu lugha dhiubh, bha Seòras Kerr a’ bruidhinn air an telefon. Bhon fhuair e àrdachadh bho chionn dusan bliadhna air ais aig aois dà fhichead gu bhith na Cheannard os cionn Riochdachaidh aigNorth Television, bha e riamh na chleachdadh aige a bhith a’ fònadh timcheall air 5:30 gu Sìne, an rùnaire aige aig StiùidioNorthann am Peairt, uair sam bith a bhiodh e air falbh bhon taigh. Bha deise ghlas a cheannaich a bhean dha ann an Austin Reed agus brògan dubh Grenson air. A’ cumail ri chèile coilear na lèine gile cotain a bha air bha crabhat dhen t-sìoda le srianagan uaine is buidhe oirre. Fhad ’s a bha e ag èisdeachd air an telefon bha e a’ slìobadh le corragan a làimh dheis bann an uaireadair Rolex a cheannaich e fhèin air fichead nota bho dhuine dubh à Siameuca air tràigh Fort Lauderdale a’ bhliadhna roimhe nuair a bha e fhèin agus Ealasaid a bhean ann air saor-làithean.
Thuirt e: ”Look, Jean, tell Gordon this will take about another week. ”Chaidh e na thosd. ”Because, Jean, that’s how long it’s going to take me, get theses playboys into shape. ”Sguir e bhruidhinn airson deich diogan. “Well, I suppose Sinclair’s okay, or will be all right when I’ve finished with him, but Maclean’s worse than useless. ”Chaidh e na thosd. “He’s an academic, for Christ’s sake. Sure, he knows all the buzzwords. I hear stacks of chat about ‘the conventions of the genre’ and ‘the paradigm of the programme’. Uses ‘lead-in ito the break’ and ‘top of the programme’ a lot too. He talks a good programme, but the longer I’ve been down here the

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[27] more I’m convinced Gordon made a serious error in investing North’s money in this Mickey Moyse operation. Investing in Maclean anyway. ”Chaidh e na thost a-rithist. “That’s right,” he said. “I’ll be home the end of next week. Now, I’ve got Starsky and Hutch to see. Yes, I’m practising my Gaelic.Latha math, ciamar a tha thu a’ faireachdainn an-diugh?” Chroch e an telefon. Dh’èirich e bhon deasg is choisich e a-mach às an oifis. Nuair a chuala e na guthan a’ tighinn a-mach às a’ chidsin stad e anns an talla airson diog mun do phut e doras a’ chidsin fosgailte.
Bha Iain Ailig MacIlleathain agus Donnchadh Mac na Ceàrdaich nan seasamh is an cùlaibh ris a’ coimhead sìos air leabhrachan mu dheidhinn chàraichean a bha fosgailte air a’ bhòrd. “Sin nuair a chithinn coltas ort, a Dhonnchaidh,” thuirt MacIlleathain, is e a’ cur a mheòir air dealbh deMhitsubishi Shogun. “Saoil thusa, bhalaich, mar a shlaodadh tu na boireannaich nam biodh tu draoibheadh rudeigin mar seo.”
Rinn Kerr casad beag. “Iain,” thuirt e, “ciamar a tha thu a’ faireachdainn an-diugh? Duncan, ciamar a tha thu a’ faireachdainn an-diugh?”
“Tha gu dòigheil, a Sheòrais,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Cò tha ’g iarraidh cofaidh?”
“Tha mis’ ,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “ ’S mi tha feumachdainn rudeigin a chuireas lùths annam. Tha mi cho sgìth ri seann chù.”
“Chan eil mise ag iarraidh cofaidh, Duncan,” thuirt Kerr. “Tapadh leat. And if you could hold off for a minute or two, John Alex, I’d be grateful if you’d spare the time for a brief meeting next door. You too, Duncan. I’ll probably need some stuff printed up from the data base.” Dhragh e doras a’ chidsin fosgailte agus chrom e a cheann. “After you, gentlemen. ”
Choisich an trìuir aca a-steach dhan oifis mhòir. Shuidh Mac na Ceàrdaich sìos air chùl deasg air an robhMacintosh Powerbook 145. Ghabh Kerr àite-suidhe ri thaobh far am faiceadh e na thigeadh suas air uinneag a’ choimpiutair. Dh’fhan MacIlleathain na sheasamh an teis-meadhan an làir. “Feuch nach toir thu fada, a Sheòrais,” thuirt e.
“Tha mi gu tuiteam leis an sgìths.”
Thog Kerr a cheann. “Tha thu a’ coimheadrough,” thuirt e.
“ ’S beag an t-iongnadh,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Chaidh mi innte sanStagan Steòrnabhagh – mu dhà uair sa mhadainn, rudeigin mar sin. An

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[28] àird’ a-rithist aig còig uairean. Sìos dhan Tairbeart, ’s an uair sin a dh’Uige. Diathad ann an Inbhir Nis le nighean a thachair orm air a’ bhàta. An uair sin dìreach sìos an rathad aig astar a bha cunnartach. Tha mi gu toirt thairis.”
“Dè bha thu a’ dèanamh ann an Steòrnabhagh?” thuirt Kerr.
“Bha coinneamh agam fhìn ’s aig Flòraidh,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Aig prìomh-oifisean an STG. An-dè. Aig trì uairean.”
“Wait a minute, ”thuirt Kerr. “You went to Stornoway – on what, Monday? – to talk to Flora Macdonald of theSgioba Telebhisean Gàidhlig. About our programme Take a Chance – I mean, Cuid do Chroinn - I hope? ”
“I had an extensive agenda, ”thuirt MacIlleathain. “I don’t know that I’ve the leisure to review for you every topic we discussed, but be assured, George, an update to the current status ofCuid do Chroinnwas included.”
“What is this ‘extensive agenda’ and ‘update’ shit? ”thuirt Kerr. Thionndaidh e ri Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Mr Sinclair, ”thuirt e, “since you appear to be the sole officer ofIomhaighProductions not unaware of the new technology, and since you both share a mutual frame of reference provided by the Gaelic language and a common educational background – Glasgow University, wasn’t it? – please inform your partner that for the purposes of long-distance communication people who may not have the leisure to make reviews avail themselves of a couple of things just out. They’re called the telephone and the fax-machine.”
“George, George, ”thuirt MacIlleathain, “I don’t find your laboured attempts at humour very funny. But, of course, you don’t have a degree. I will not bore you with the inventory of reasons that persuaded me that my presense in Stornoway yesterday was justified. Even a big-time Executive Producer like yourself will appreciate that it would be extremely difficult to monitor an audition by fax machine.”
“What does this ‘audition’ crap mean? ”thuirt Kerr. “What the hell do you know about auditioning anyone? Is this in connection with our – withCuid do Chroinn - or withIomhaigh?
Thog Mac na Ceàrdaich a cheann is sheall e ri MacIlleathain. “Cha robh fhios a’m air sin, Iain,” thuirt e. “Cha robh fhios a’m gun deach thu a Steòrnabhagh a dhèanamhaudition.”

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[29]

“Uill,” thuirt MacIlleathain, “cha bhi mi ’g innse dhut a h-uile càil a bhios mi dèanamh nuair a dh’fhalbhas mi air chuairt air sgàth na companaidh.”
”Oh, bullshit, Maclean, ”thuirt Kerr. “Tha fios agamsa dè bhios tu a’ dèanamh nuair a dh’fhalbhas tu air chuairt. What ’d she, this is a chick you’re auditioning, right? What’d she do for you, huh? Find a new way to do it in the bath? ReciteAn Ataireachd Ardwhile feeding you whisky through a baby’s feeding bottle? What could she possibly do for you that any of your little groupies in The Ben Lomond couldn’t? ”
“Celibacy, ”thuirt MacIlleathain, “has never struck me as a desirable aspiration for a divorced man. Fortunately, in the particular area of enterprise in which I now find myself, the brave new world of Gaelic television production, nubile and eligible ladies abound. Lecturing at the university provided the odd opportunity, although I must confess that as a former disciple of Jean Calvin, and being married at the time, I probably had a less agreeable social life than I enjoy today. Thighearna , feumaidh mi gliong a thoirt do – feumaidh mi f ònadh.”
“Who’s the lucky woman? ”thuirt Kerr.
Choimhead MacIlleathain mun cuairt air fhèin mar gum biodh e a’ dèanamh cinnteach nach robh feadhainn eile san rùm ag èisdeachd ris. Bhruidhinn e ann an guth ìseal. “Flòraidh NicDhòmhnaill, no Flòraidh Dhòmhnaill Anndra mar a chanas iad rithe ann am Beinn na Fadhla, Iar-stiùiriche an STG agus banacharaid do dh’IomhaighProductions.”
“Dh’fhòn i bho chionn uair a thìde,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Bha i air a dòigh leis na figearan a thug thu dhi mu dheidhinn Cuid do Chroinn. Dh’iarr i orm taing a thoirt dhut air an son. Nach ann oirre tha ’n aghaidh! Mise a chuir ri chèil’ iad, ’s tha a taing agadsa. ’N do dh’innis thu dhi gur e mise a rinn an obair air an t-sreath phrògraman sin?”
Mun do fhreagair MacIlleathain chuir Kerr ceist eile air. “Dè tha ’n Sgioba ag ràdh?” thuirt e.
“Cia mu dheidhinn?” thuirt MacIlleathain.
“Mu dheidhinn.. .” thuirt Kerr, “about our series. What are they saying about Take a Chance – ah, Cuid do Chroinn?”
“Tha gaol an cridhe ac’ air a’ phrògram,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Ged a tha mi fhìn a’ smaoineachadh nach eil ann ach cop a bha gun fheum anns a’ Bheurla agus a bhios fichead uair nas miosa anns a’ Ghàidhlig, chòrd na

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[30] beachdan agams’ riu. Chòrd, agus dhà no trì de smaointean eile a dh’innis mi dhaibh.”
“Dè shaoil iad dhenideaagamsa?” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich. “ ’N dè dh’innis thu dhaibh mun stòiridh agamsa> ”
“Coma leat an dràsda, Dhonnchaidh,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Thèid sinn a-mach gu pinnt an ceartuair. Bhiodh fois agad an dràsda is seall do Mhgr. Kerr cho èasgaidh ’s a bha thu a’ deasachadh Cuid do Chroinn.” Shìn e seic do Sheòras Kerr. “Seo dhutsa, a Sheòrais,” thuirt e. “Leis na beannachdan bhonSTG, seic airson dusan mìle nota, pairt dhen tuarasdal-riochdachaidh agad, air neo, is e ’s còir dhomh ràdh, amproduction feeaigNorth Television. Gabhaidh tusa an tè sin, agus an ath thè a thig, gabhaidh Iomhaigh i siud. Agus ged nach dèan math dhomh a bhith bòsdadh, tha mi glè chinnteach gum bi sinn uile air ar bàthadh le airgead bhon Sgioba anns na làithean tha romhainn.” Rinn e gàire. “Nach ann againn tha ’n cothrom!”
Rinn an clò-bhualadair air an deasg bragadaich agus thòisich duilleagan pàipeir air taomadh a-mach às an inneal. Rug Kerr orra, tè ma seach, mar a bha iad a’ tighinn a-mach, agus leugh e gu mionaideach gach duilleag. “Tha seo math, Duncan,” thuirt e ri Mac na Ceàrdaich. “This is quite good, you know, Duncan. This is really quite good. ”
“Well, ”Mac na Ceàrdaich, “the casting of the presenter, the captains and the ‘celebs’ and punters was all done by John Alex. He did the selection of director and crew and stuff as well. I handled the correspondence and most of the budget.”
“What’s this? ”thuirt Kerr. “TX 95? ”
“Oh, ”thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich, “that’s just BBC shortforms for transmission date of programme. The series goes out early next year.”
Chuir Kerr na pàipearan a-steach dhan mhàileid agus choimhead e air Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Bha thu ag obair aig a’ Bheeb?” thuirt e.
“Trì bliadhna gu leth,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Cha robh annam ach riochdaire ann an rèidio thall an Dùn Eideann, ach chuir iad air cùrsa mi – seadh, bha mi air cùrsa do stiùirichean ann an telebhisean shìos an Lunnainn airson trì mìosan. Tha iad fhèin dhen bharail gur ann acasan a tha an t-oideachas as fheàrr air an t-saoghal. Chan eil fhios agamsa. Ach tha fhios a’m gur e fìor dhroch ghrèidheadh a fhuair mise bhuapa nuair a fhuair iad cuidhteas mi. ‘The Corporation, young man, will not tolerate

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[31] drunks. We have decided to attempt it without you. You’re going to love the freedom of the independant sector. We hear the financial climate in Gaelic broadcasting is about to improve dramatically in the near future. Think of what you’ll save in pension schemes and mortgage repayments when you’re without a regular job or a home.’ Bastards. ”
“Sin far a bheil sibh ceàrr,” thuirt Kerr. “Chan eil nì agaibh air na companaidhean telebhisean. Television companies are not charitable institutions. We are commercial enterprises. If you had been working for North, Duncan, instead of the BBC, when you had your little run-in with the law, we might have arranged counselling on alchohol abuse for you. On the other hand, we might have cut our losses and let you go, just as the Beed did. ”
“An do dh’obraich sibhse dhaibh riamh?” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich.
“Tha fhios nach do dh’obraich,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Sin as coireach nach d’fhuair e an obair naCEOaigNortha’ bhèan-uiridh nuair a chuir e a-steach air a son. Am fear a fhuair i, bha e air a bhith ’g obair an Sasainn aig tè no dithis dhe na companaidhean mòra. Agus aig toiseach tòiseachaidh, ’s ann aig a’ BhBCann an Roinn nan Naidheachdan an seo an Glaschu a dh’ionnsaich Gòrdan MacAnndrais a chiùird.”
“Cò dh’innis dhut,” thuirt Kerr, “gun do chuir mi a-steach airsonCEO?”
“Tha fios aig an t-saoghal air,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “ ’S tha fios aig a h-uile duine cuideachd gun do dh’fheuch thu ri bhith nadMDaigAlbion TVcuideachd. Cha choimheadadh iad ort, a Sheòrais. ‘We limit the selection of candidates for the post of MD to those who have had significant experience, at an executive level, with either the BBC or one or more of the larger companies in the independant sector. ’Sin a chuala mise co-dhiù.”
“Cò dh’innis sin dhut?” thuirt Kerr.
“Cha chreid mi,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich, is e a’ cur bhannan lastaig timcheall air pasgan de sheicichean agus gan cur air beulaibh Kerr, “nach eil iad seo ceart. Chan urrainn dhomh fuireach nas fhaide ’g èisdeachd ris an dithis agaibh a’ trod.” Dh’èirich e agus thug e dà cheum chun an dorais.
“Chan eil thu dol a dh’àite, Dhonnchaidh,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “And you’re not going anywhere either, George. You stayed too long with the

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[32] one company – how long have you been at North? Thirty years? You’re a dinosaur, George. For you, Executive Producer – or, more accurately, ‘broadcaster’s bagman’ – to a callow independent Gaelic television company engaged in the production of an inane game show funded by the STG is about as good as it’s going to get. ”
“I don’t know if it’s going to be good, ”thuirt Kerr, is a’ toirt dà sheic a-mach às a’ phasgan is gan cur gu aon taobh. “Ach tha mi a’ faireachdainn gum bi seo glè inntinneach. What do you know about these cheques from theCuid do Chroinnchequebook? ”
“You attribute to me powers I don’t possess,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Ged tha PhD agam, chan eil fiosachd agam. A chum ’s gun tuig mi cia air a tha thu a-mach, dh’fheumainn sùil a thoirt air na seicean tha dèanamh dragh dhut. Cha dèan mi sin. Chan eil ùidh agam annta.
“Nuair a chaidh mi gu Gòrdan aig toiseach na bliadhna le tagradh sgriobhte airson Cuid do Chroinn, rinn mi cinnteach gu robh fios aigesan air sin. Nuair a chaidh mi a Steòrnabhagh an toiseach a bhruidhinn a Manaidsear Gnìomhachais na Comataidh, is ann air dreach a’ phògram a bha mi a’ bruidhinn. Chan e seicean a bha air m’ aire. Nuair a thuig mi gum feumainn cuideigin a chur air fhasdadh airson a bhith coimhead às dèidh an airgid, thug mi fiathachadh dhan Bharrach rid thaobh a thighinn a-steach còmhla rium. ’S fìor chaomh leis-san seicean. Is caomh leat fhèin iad, tha e coltach. Carson tha sin?”
Choisich e chun an deasg. Chuir e a-mach a mheur ris an dithis aca, fear mu seach. “A chionn ’s nach eil leth-unnsa de mhac-meanmna eadaraibh.”
“Nis, Iain Ailig,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich.
“Na toir ‘Nis, Iain Ailig’ dhòmhsa,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “An do mhothaich sibh dhan chlàr a th’ air an doras a-muigh?”
“Cha do mhothaich,” thuirt Kerr.
“Sin a shaoil mu,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “ ’S e tha sgrìobht’ air ach IomhaighProductions LTD – DrJ.A. Maclean. ’S e mise a stèidhich a’ chompanaidh. ’S e mise a dh’fhàs càirdeil ri MacAnndrais ann anNorth Televisionagus ri Flòraidh NicDhòmhnaill aig anSTG. ’S mise a fhuair taic-airgid bhuapasan airson Cuid do Chroinn a dhèanamh. Sin as coireach gu bheil obair agaibhse an dràsda. Agus sin as coireach gu bheil mise a’ dol a dhèanamh cofaidh dhomh fhìn an dràsda fhèin.”

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[33]

Thionndaidh e air a shàil agus choisich e a-mach às an oifis.
Thog Kerr an dà sheic, chuir e an dàrna tè air beulaibh Mhic na Ceàrdaich agus ghlèidh e an tè- eile na làimh cheart. “Dè tha seo, Duncan?” thuirt e.
Còig ceud not, dà fhichead ’s a naoi,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich, “air a dhèanamh a-mach do Mhario Funaro, s .p. a.air an treas latha dhen Fhaoilleach? Tha eagal orm nach – dad ort, tha cuimhn’ a’m a-nis. Sin an deise Armani a cheannaich Iain Ailig anns anItalian Centremun deach e air a’ phrògram ud a rinnAlbionair Ionmhas Telebhisean Gàidhlig. Tha e tighinn a-mach as t-samhradh a-bhos air Ghalltachd. Cha chreid mi gum bi sibhse ga shealltainn gu foghar.”
“Gabh mo leisgeul,” thuirt Kerr. “A bheil mi gad thuigsinn ceart? A bheil thu ag ràdh rium gu robh fhios agad fad an t-siubhail gu robh amProfa’ caitheamh airgead na companaidh air aodach dha fhèin? Airgead a bha air a chur a-mach airson prògram àraid a dhèanamh?”
“Tha fhios a’m, ” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich, “gur ann leis tha IomhaighProductions, agus tha fhios a’m cuideachd, ma bhios rud agad, thig rud thugad.”
“Uh-huh,” thuirt Kerr. “Sin a bhios e fhèin ag ràdh. Ach an do smaoinich thu tiamh an e an fhìrinn a tha aoge, eh?”
“Cha do smaoinich,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich. “ ’S chan eil dragh agam. Tha mise dìreach taingeil gun tug Iain Ailig obair dhomh. Agus ’s aithne dhomh an obair seo. Cuiridh mise prògram telebhisean ri chèile cho math ri duine sam bith a th’ ann. Tha an obair a’ còrdadh rium. Gun teagamh, cha toigh leam aig amannan cho fialaidh ’s a tha amProfleis an leabhar-sheicichean, ach fhad ’s a ghleidheas s sgillinn robach no dhà a phàigheas mo thuarasdal aig deireadh a’ mhìos, tha mi meadhanach toilichte.”
“Meadhanach toilichte?” thuirt Kerr.
Choimhead Mac na Ceàrdaich chun an dorais. “Uill,” thuirt e, “cuiridh mi mar seo e. Cha chreid mi gu bheil beachd ro shoilleir aig Iain Ailig air an loidhne eadar cosgais phearsanta agus cosgais gnìomhachais.”
“Am biodh tu cho math,” thuirt Kerr, “agus gun leudaicheadh tu air sin?”
“Tha cuimhn’ a’m air an t-seic ud,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Thàinig amProfa-staigh an seo goirid às dèidh na Bliadhn’ Uire is deise

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[34] Eadailteach air is thuirt mise: ’Robh Bodach na Nollaig math dhut? Oir, cuimhnich, thuige seo bha coltas air Iain Ailig mar gum biodh e faighinn a chuid aodaich ann am bucaidean aig Oxfam.
“Agus ars esan: ‘An toigh leat an deise, Dhonnchaidh?’ Agus thuirt mise: ‘Is toighl.’ Agus ars esan: ‘Is toighl? Sin uireas a th’ agad ri ràdh? Mu dheidhinn deise Armani a fhuair mi anns a’ bhùth aig mo dheagh charaid Mario?’ A bheil fhios agad dè phàigh mi air an deise bhrèagha seo?’ Agus thuirt mise: ‘Chan eil – dè phàigh thu oirre?’ Oir bha fhios a’m gur e pàirt dhen airgead agamsa ann an dòigh a thug e dhan Eadailteach. Tha mise ’g obair do dh’Iomhaigh. Tha Iomhaigh beò air Ionmhas Telebhisean Gàidhlig. Chanainn-sa gu robh adhbhar agam a bhith a’ faighneachd dè a’ phrìs a phàigh e a-mach às a’ mhogan agamsa. ‘Glè mhath,’ ars esan. ‘Chuir mi m’ ainm ri seic a thàinig a-mach às leabhar-sheicichean air an robh sgrìobhte IomhaighProductions – Cuid do Chroinn. Fìor bhargan a fhuair mu, cha do phàigh mi ach faisg air sia ceud air an deise.’ Agus dè thuirt mise? ‘O, Iain Ailig, tha sinall right. Bha an siorram cho laghach nuair a thug e dhomh dà cheud uair a thìde de Sheirbheis Coimhearsnachd. Thuirt e rium nam faiceadh e tuilleadh anns a’ chùirt mi – uill, bha car eile air ruidhle a’ bhodaich. Cha leiginn a leas bodraigeadh le dhol a-mach còmhla ris na balaich eile a chladhach ’s a pheantadh – ’s e am prìosan a gheibhinn.’ Agus chan ann buileach ri fealla-dhà a bha mi. Ach mar as àbhaist, an rud nach do chòrd ris a’ Phrof, cha chual’ e.”
Ghàir Kerr air Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Cha mhòr,” thuirt e, “nach eil thu cho tiugh ris fhèin. Abair tiugh. Mura b’ e na nigheanan tha timcheall air, dh’fhaillicheadh air a phaideàmas a chur air fhèin mus rachadh e innte.”
“Eisd rium,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich. “Chan e mo ghnothach-s’ obair nan leabhraichean-sheicichean. Tha a h-uile fear riamh aig Iain Ailig. Cha bhi e a’ gabhail comhairle bhuamsa mun cuir e ainm air seic.”
“Tha e coltach,” thuirt Kerr, is e a’ putadh na tèile thuige. “ ’S dòcha gun tèid againn air tè an Eadailtich a chall, ach cha bhi e furasda an tè seo a chleith. Cò tha ann aWest End Travel?”
“Sin an fheadhainn,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich, “a bhios a’ faighinn thiocaidean airson na trèin dhuinn.”
“Nach sibhse chaidh air an astar,” thuirt Kerr.
“Ciamar?” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich.

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[35]

“Dh’fhaodadh sibh,” thuirt Kerr, “a dhol timcheall air an t-saoghal ann an trèana air a’ phrìs seo. Dà thuras.”
“Dè,” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich, “tha na figearan a’ ràdh.”
“Tha,” thuirt Kerr, “na figearan ag ràdh: dà mhìle, ceithir cheud, ceithir fichead ’s a còig nota deug.”
Chuir Mac na Ceàrdaich a làmh dheas gu bheul. Dhùin e a shùilean airson dà dhiog. “Uill,” thuirt e, “tha am fear a fhreagras ceist sam bith a th’ agad air tilleadh.”
Thàinig MacIlleathain a-steach agus cupa cofaidh na làimh. “Feumaidh sinn nighean fhaighinn a-staigh an seo,” thuirt e. “Dh’fhaodadh i cofaidh a dhèanamh dhuinn, a’ fòn a fhreagairt, sgriobtaichean a sgrìobhadh air a’ WPC – rudan mar sin. Chuireadh e blas na h-uaisle air an oifis nam biodh nighean bhrèagha eadar mise agus an fheadhainn a thig air chèilidh oirnn a-staigh an seo.”
“Iain Ailig,” thuirt Kerr, “carson a sgrìobh thu seic airson dà mhìle gu leth doWest End Travel? ”
“Airgead-leasachaidh a bha sin,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Development money I invested in a treatment by a writer. ”
“ForCuid do Chroinn?” thuirt Kerr.
“Certainly, ”thuirt MacIlleathain.
“Who, ”thuirt Kerr, “was the recipient of this munificence ? ”
“Donald Campbell,” thuirt MacIlleathain.
“Donald Campbell?” thuirt Kerr. “Who is Donald Campbell? ”
“He’s the presenter, ”thuirt MacIlleathain, “ ofCuid do Chroinn.”
“What, ”thuirt Kerr, “is he going to develop for us? Holiday snaps from the Caribbean?”
“A a matter of fact, ”thuirt MacIlleathain, “that’s where he was headed. To do some writing. ”
“What writing does he have to do, for Christ’s sake? ”thuirt Kerr. “It’s a game show. He just has to ad lib. He can do that, can’t he? ”
“If you acquired yourself to a greater degree with our culture, ”thuirt MacIlleathain, “you’d know that Don Campbell has had a distinguished career in stand-up comedy. ”
“That’s right, ”thuirt Kerr. “He’s also had a distinguished career as a drunk and a philanderer, the way I hear it. Of course, in your culture the latter is considered a distinction rather than a liability. ”

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[36]

“Look, ”thuirt MacIlleathain. “In my not so humble opinion, Campbell could doCuid do Chroinnfrom a telephone booth. You want to tell me about talent in the bilingual community? What’s your next project for the day? Bheil thu dol a thoirt dhà no trì phocannan de mhoine gu ruige Loch Baghasdail?”
“Chan eil,” thuirt Kerr. “Tha mi a’ dol a dh’fhaighinn a-mach carson a thug thu dà mhìle nota gu leth dhan Chaimbeulach – a bharrachd air an tuarasdal a thug thu dha airson a bhith na fhear-taisbein air Cuid do Chroinn.”
“Tud,” thuirt MacIlleathain,” cha mhòr a fhuair e airson Cuid do Chroinn. Tha e dèanamh dusan prògram ann an ceithir latha – a dhà, a ceithir, a ceithir, ’s a dhà air an latha mu dheireadh – agus bheir sinn dha, chan eil mi cinnteach, rudeigin mar dà cheud nota airson gach prògram a nì e. Chan e fortan a tha sin. Agus mathaid gun tig rudeigin as fhiach a-mach às an airgead-leasachaidh.”
“Tha mi- coma,” thuirt Kerr, “ged a thigeadhJurassic Parka-mach as an dà mhìle gu leth. Feumaidh an Caimbeulach an t-airgead sin a thoirt air ais dhuinn. Cha robh còir aig IomhaighProductionssgillinn ruadh a chur a-mach air obair-leasachaidh. Chan eil sin nur comas. Bu chòir dhuibhse a bhith a’ strì ri prògram math a dhèanamh. Agus is e ainm a’ phrògram Cuid do Chroinn.”
“Cuid do Chroinn,” thuirt MacIlleathain. “Cha stad mise aig Cuid do Chroinn. Feumaidh mise a bhith coimhead romham. Tha mise, tha sinne – mi fhìn ’s Donnchadh – loma-làn de bheachdan-smaoin mu phrògraman telebhisean Gàidhlig. Agus thèid an dèanamh cuideachd. Tha Gòrdan agaibh fhèin, tha ’m fear mòr aigAlbionagus tha muinntir an STG uile air mo thaobh. Tha de dh’òr ann an Ionmhas Telebhisean Gàidhlig nach gabh a chaitheamh gu bràth, agus tha an taic airgid seo bhon Riaghaltas air a cur a-mach dhuinne, sinne tha fileanta ann an Gàidhlig. Chan fhada gus nach bi feum air do leithid, a Sheòrais, le do Ghàidhlig lapach ’s le do sgrùdadh mionaideach air gach nota a chaitheas sinn.”
“Well, ”thuirt Kerr, “I could argue with you aboutIomhaigh’s grand plans for Gaelic programming or whether you personally will have any part in them. And I certainly don’t share your views about the bottomless nature of the Gaelic Television Resource. Moreover, if you fondly imagine

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[37] that established broadcasters who have been in the business for longer than two minutes are quietly going to turn their backs on this new and welcome source of income and leave the field clear for the Gaels, then I suggest you scuttle back to the academic life and resume your career in sociology or bra-pinging, or whatever the hell kept you out of the road of the buses. ”
“Fuirich mionaid,” thuirt MacIlleathain.
“Fuirichidh mi,” thuirt Kerr, “gus an tòisich sibh airfilmeadh Cuid do Chroinn anns an stiùidio againne ann am Peairt. Cuin a tha sin? An ceann sia seachdainean? Bidh mise agaibh airson deagh ghreis fhathast. And you’re right – my Gaelic is less than fluent. So I’ll say this in English. While I’m Executive Producer of this series, I’ll be scrutinizing every item in your budget intensely. We’re talking one of your historian colleagues at the university examining the Rosetta Stone here. Our little epic, gentlemen, has been funded by the Gaelic Television Resource under the administration of theSgioba Telebhisean Gàidhlig, and our sole remit is to produce a funny game show. No money will be spent on suits created by designers whose surnames end in vowels. Nor will we subsidise trips to the sun for broken-down whisky tenors. Aon rud eile, Duncan.”
“Dè tha sin?” thuirt Mac na Ceàrdaich.
“Thoirt dhomh,” thuirt Kerr, “seòladh a’ Chaimbeulaich. Agus àireamh na fòna aige cuideachd. Bu toigh leam facal beag a ràdh ris.”